Fabletop: Beast Encounters Of The Nerd Kind

We Don’t Have To Fight. Let’s Do, Though!

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Welcome to the very first level, young adventurers! To get you started, let’s pit you against a monster perfect for learning the basics: TIAMAT!

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Oh, it’s one of THOSE campaigns.

Because the first thing you need to learn is that you are all DOOMED!

…What do you mean this isn’t appropriate for your levels?

…Well, how would YOU suggest we plan this encounter, then?

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Likability: Rating Character Approval

The audience can relate to them, meaning they see some of themselves in them: “Oh yes, I ALSO eat food in order to not die!”

Hey guys! I made the best character ever!

They’ve got a heart-wrenching, tragic backstory to make them morally complex, yet they are also relatable and always make the right choices!

Everyone that matters loves them and everyone that doesn’t is proven wrong as a mean stupid-head!

I gave them all the best lines and quotes, and the world comes to a halt unless they’re around!

…What do you mean YOU DON’T LIKE THEM? I just TOLD you to like them! What’s the deal with THAT?

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Real Talk: Writing To Get Paid

If you are striving to be a responsible adult, that is ALREADY A HEROIC STRUGGLE and good job making it this far.

Every writer dreams of making their art reality for all the world to see. They also dream that the art will be well-received and beloved.

And everyone, not just artists, dreams of getting paid to do what they love.

But to get paid, you need to work. To work, you need marketable skills which the job market wants.

…So…how can we put that Master’s Degree in English Literature and our five Dynasty Warriors fanfictions to work?

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Conflict Of Ideas: Black Panther vs. White Knight

Mind-control. The only thing you need to win a war of words.

In this corner, the ideas of the characters we’re supposed to root for! It’s what they stand for! It’s clearly the solution to the current problem!

In the other corner, the ideas opposed to them! Reasons and justifications for OTHER things!

What’s the handicap? Is it an even match? And IS THE REF LINING THEIR GLOVES WITH WEIGHTS? Or SLOW COUNTING WHEN THEY’RE KNOCKED DOWN?

When two ideas clash in a story, is it a REAL MATCH? Or a bout of PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING?

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Fabletop: Electing To Campaign

And if they keep getting rejected by NPCs, it’s essentially a case of “You need experience to work, but you can’t work because you have no experience.”

It’s roleplaying game week on this blog, and so I am here with a simple guide on a topic helpful to most game masters: Planning adventures for roleplaying games. Or, in tabletop gamer terms, a campaign!

Kind of like the campaigns from Warcraft and StarCraft, only interactive and with crazy characters who never do what you want and hurtle headlong into disaster as you silently urge them to make the sensible choice.

No wait, EXACTLY like the campaigns from Warcraft and StarCraft.

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Difficulty Levels: Git Gud, Heroes

You can’t just gradually farm enemies that get slightly stronger until you’re just one level behind a boss.

In life, we know conflict. Strife. Difficulty levels.

There’s easy. Normal. Hard. Extreme. And Cuphead/Dark Souls. The measures which tell us just how hard a time the protagonists will have.

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While you, the writer, make this face.

And as it is the sacred duty of writers to give our characters a hard time, it pays to understand just how BADLY our torture devices/writing tools will hurt them.

Oh, and uh, how that reads for the audience. Of course.

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Minions: Every Bum, He Was Kung Fu Fighting

Because there may be an I in Evil, but there is no Me in Team.

Cool headquarters, check. Diabolical plan, check. Doomsday weapon, check. Elaborate death traps, check.

Now all I need are a legion of disposable goons to do my bidding for me! It’s not going to do itself, after all!

…You don’t expect me to do my OWN bidding, do you? Now go see what that weird noise in the vents was, henchman. I have to explain the reason for your meaningless existence to the internet.

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