Fabletop: Beast Encounters Of The Nerd Kind

We Don’t Have To Fight. Let’s Do, Though!

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Welcome to the very first level, young adventurers! To get you started, let’s pit you against a monster perfect for learning the basics: TIAMAT!

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Oh, it’s one of THOSE campaigns.

Because the first thing you need to learn is that you are all DOOMED!

…What do you mean this isn’t appropriate for your levels?

…Well, how would YOU suggest we plan this encounter, then?

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Bosses: Commissioning Commanding Editors-in-Chief

Like any good complication in a story, they take things from “This can be easily done” to “We have a problem”.

So what do the Mayor of Townsville, J. Jonah Jameson, and King Arthur have in common?

…No, the answer is NOT facial hair!

It’s that they legally command the services of some of the most terrifying weapons of mass destruction in their world!

Besides, ever since that anime made King Arthur a girl in their lore, facial hair is not a sure thing. Unless you’re talking dwarf women (sometimes).

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Conflict Of Ideas: Black Panther vs. White Knight

Mind-control. The only thing you need to win a war of words.

In this corner, the ideas of the characters we’re supposed to root for! It’s what they stand for! It’s clearly the solution to the current problem!

In the other corner, the ideas opposed to them! Reasons and justifications for OTHER things!

What’s the handicap? Is it an even match? And IS THE REF LINING THEIR GLOVES WITH WEIGHTS? Or SLOW COUNTING WHEN THEY’RE KNOCKED DOWN?

When two ideas clash in a story, is it a REAL MATCH? Or a bout of PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING?

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Fabletop: Electing To Campaign

And if they keep getting rejected by NPCs, it’s essentially a case of “You need experience to work, but you can’t work because you have no experience.”

It’s roleplaying game week on this blog, and so I am here with a simple guide on a topic helpful to most game masters: Planning adventures for roleplaying games. Or, in tabletop gamer terms, a campaign!

Kind of like the campaigns from Warcraft and StarCraft, only interactive and with crazy characters who never do what you want and hurtle headlong into disaster as you silently urge them to make the sensible choice.

No wait, EXACTLY like the campaigns from Warcraft and StarCraft.

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Difficulty Levels: Git Gud, Heroes

You can’t just gradually farm enemies that get slightly stronger until you’re just one level behind a boss.

In life, we know conflict. Strife. Difficulty levels.

There’s easy. Normal. Hard. Extreme. And Cuphead/Dark Souls. The measures which tell us just how hard a time the protagonists will have.

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While you, the writer, make this face.

And as it is the sacred duty of writers to give our characters a hard time, it pays to understand just how BADLY our torture devices/writing tools will hurt them.

Oh, and uh, how that reads for the audience. Of course.

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Minions: Every Bum, He Was Kung Fu Fighting

Because there may be an I in Evil, but there is no Me in Team.

Cool headquarters, check. Diabolical plan, check. Doomsday weapon, check. Elaborate death traps, check.

Now all I need are a legion of disposable goons to do my bidding for me! It’s not going to do itself, after all!

…You don’t expect me to do my OWN bidding, do you? Now go see what that weird noise in the vents was, henchman. I have to explain the reason for your meaningless existence to the internet.

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Final Week Fables: Curseday Blues

If an adventurer comes around and actually fixes this, I wonder if they’ll expect my hand in marriage.

It’s that time of the month! When I actually sit down and bring myself to write a short story based on a picture I’ve got lying about!

And speaking of lying about, today’s image is:

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Not this shit again.

…And I’m making a COMEDY out of it? What??? Bet you’re REAL curious, huh??? …Oh, you’re not? Well, read it anyway, I’m begging you!

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