Or, he’ll do that anime thing where he powers up spontaneously with his emotions.
He’s green. He’s mean. He’ll rupture your spleen. He’s powered by gamma rays, he’s got pecs for days. When he walks the earth will tremble, roadkill his enemies will resemble, everyone clench your buttcheeks and prepare for:
Like the majority of Japanese anime openings, the title makes absolutely no sense.
Yes! I actually review things! It wasn’t just a one time thing, I just happen to take my own sweet time getting around to things that are supposedly new! And yes, I enjoy videogames as well!
So, as one might surmise from the title, I’ll be giving my review of Horizon Zero Dawn, hopefully keeping it as spoiler-free as possible. Of course, I’m sure there’s no shortage of videogame journalism sites or random people on the internet proclaiming it’s a masterpiece, so what would I have to say about it?
That’s a really simple one: A review. I intend to tell what the game was, add my own impressions, and help you make an informed decision if you’re thinking of getting it.
Quite a few plant-based spells can be cast out of thin air, and vines start popping up out of nowhere like it’s tentacle hentai.
Today I am branching out from another branch of my writing in something big enough for a category: Character classes! And today, we’re looking at a certain group of nature-loving animal enthusiasts who are all about organic, sustainable living.
No, not hippies. Certainly not PETA. DRUIDS. Wait. I just made a branch pun. EXCELLENT.
He’s Writing About Writing What He Is Doing, Is What He Is Doing
The sun rises, and a thousand, thousand writers wrack their brains. The vision in their heads yearns to break free and reach a whole world of readers, the result of a dream held deep within their hearts and obscene amounts of pop culture references.
Now all they need to do…is actually take that first step and write it out.
No, not just get started. No, not just get off their asses. They’ve got the map, they’ve got the destination. What their writing needs…is the description of that journey from Point Beginning to Point Ending.
The campaign begins. And inevitably, the journey will involve colourful, exotic creatures that may prove to be the greatest challenge of all. Creatures with extremely defined, some would say exaggerated, strengths and weaknesses, cultures and habits. Creatures that represent a threat to the best laid plans, capable of killing off a story before it even takes off with a single roll.
It may seem difficult, or even impossible, but learning to deal with them can often prove to be the most rewarding part of adventuring. And the more DMs learn about them, the better equipped they are.
Why WOULD anyone go into such detail instead of just sitting back and enjoying the ride?
How it should have ended. The sins of cinema. Why X Is Better Than Y (And The Reason Is MINDBLOWING!). Why Z Is A Disappointment. The Implications Of Everything I Just Said. Why You Shouldn’t Enjoy This Popular Series.
Once, reviews and thoughts on entertainment were the domain of Siskel and Ebert, of columns that newspapers actually paid for, of having a certain mindset and skillset that meant someone’s opinion should be taken seriously. Once, the voice of the public was measured by applause, by surveys, by aggregate numbers.
Now, any yahoo with a computer, an internet connection, and an opinion can get on a soapbox and start belching out ideas online.
These are critical analysts. And in the age of the internet (the second home of the nerd), in the renaissance of popular sci-fi/fantasy media (the bread and butter of the nerd), in the nature of mankind (the software of the nerd), their numbers will only increase.
And I’m here to explain both what they do and why I don’t see myself as one of them.
They’re the guys who’ll decisively travel back in time and kill baby Hitler.
Stories, sides, life. Things tend to be seen in black and white, evil and good, dark and light. It’s a distinction that lies in our most primal archetypes, a desire for epic scales and stakes, for the world to make sense.
And then there’s the reality of everything in-between. Those who aren’t wholly good, nor wholly bad. Those defined by the codes they reject as much as by the codes they hold. The grey. Fifty shades of…what do you mean I already used that title gag? That was a completely different topic!