Fabletop Classes: Ba Ba Ba Barbari-Ann

Incidentally, expect them to ignore shields in favour of two-handed, dual, or dual two-handed weapons.

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It’s that time of the month, when I return to fables of the tabletop! And just who could be the cast member we’ll be focusing on this week? I’ll give you a hint:

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A staple of Dungeons & Dragons.

That’s right, folks, you guessed it! It’s…! …NO, it’s not the BARD! Are you CRAZY?! What in that picture would make you think BARD?

Such a mistaken answer makes me ANGRY. One might say I am even filled with RAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!

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Foreshadowing: The Power Of Prophecy

The irony is not lost on me that there was zero foreshadowing for a post about foreshadowing.

 

Did you think you finally knew everything there was to know about this blog?

You just stepped into a much bigger world, friend.

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Mentors: Meet De Mentors

Why not take the easy way out and make them your usual can of exposition and training?

Very few characters actually make it on their own. Even as loners, they had to learn from somewhere. They had to have a teacher, someone to actually teach them to acquire the skills and traits the author arbitrarily assigned to them.

Someone like a magical talking animal. Or a grizzled washed out wizard. Or the city streets themselves.

Or some weirdo on the internet giving introductions and tips to writing.

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The Silence Of The Self-Inserts

We might wax philosophical and try and paint it as a purely artistic decision, but this is the cold, hard reality of game design, folks: You need CASH MONEY.

And there you have inspirational quotes from some of the most iconic videogame characters! Can YOU guess who said each one?

So yes, today I’ll be talking about SILENT PROTAGONISTS! No, I don’t mean characters who are unusually quiet. I mean it’s you, the player character, but there is just about no dialogue coming from them.

Now, this might seem a tad antiquated. What’s the deal with them? Do people still DO them? Do we only know this because our childhood icons were mute?

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Metaphors Embodied: The Psychopomp’s Circumstances

No, it’s not the Psycho Pope, the main antagonist in a poorly written Young Adult novel with hamfisted anti-religion themes.

In today’s edition of Things You Recognise But Don’t Know The Names Of, a totally legit and not-at-all-made-up series, we’ll be talking about the PSYCHOPOMP! What thing that you recognise is it?

No, it’s not the Psycho Pump, an item in point and click adventure games to fix the Psycho Plumbing.

No, it’s not the Psycho Pope, the main antagonist in a poorly written Young Adult novel with hamfisted anti-religion themes.

No, it’s not the Psycho Crusher, the signature torpedo move of Master Bison, overlord of Shadaloo.

The PSYCHOPOMP is in fact…DEATH! Well, kinda.

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Night Of The Living Weapon

It doesn’t age because of the magic within it. It doesn’t feel hunger, pain, or even pleasure. All it perceives is the world around it, the hands seeking to wield it.

After weeks of finding something to say about storytelling, I’ll be changing gears for a bit and going back to something I’d set out to do more often: Giving a crash course of tropes, characters, and concepts!

Today we’ll be talking about a certain type of character: The Artificial Character. Self-aware objects, artificial intelligence, living weapons, spirits trapped within objects, you’re probably familiar with these things. They are a thinking, cognizant existence of a different kind from conventional life. Basically, the servants from Beauty and the Beast. From wisecracking sidekicks and sage advisors to malevolent enemies and alien entities, many fantastic settings have given ‘life’ or ‘spirit’ to what was once lifeless.

So what is the deal with these guys, and what happens when you give your props lines of dialogue?

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The Bionic Raccoon and Space Mall Cop

Those are the moments that are foreshadowed, that form the emotional climax, the payoff and culmination of all that character development and conflict. And THESE…are not those moments.

Disclaimer: All mentioned films belong to their owners, spoilers inbound!

In any movie with some emotional component (yes, even Michael Bay films), there’s always ‘the talk’ where there’s a major revelation, a major resolution. Basically the thing where they either say “This is the problem I am raising at the worst moment!” or “This is the explicit moral of the story I just learned.” Those are the moments that are foreshadowed, that form the emotional climax, the payoff and culmination of all that character development and conflict.

And THESE…are not those moments.

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